Not just a little...

Today
was a day.

A long day.

But it was my day.


As I drove home tonight from work,
down that long stretch of interstate,

I listened to this:

  "I Miss You" by Incubus

(another Paula special)

For some reason,

it got me thinking...

When I love,

     I do it big.

I don't love a little,

or just partially.

I love BIG.

And tonight, I realized:

Not only does someone out there deserve to be loved big,

but so do I.

I want to love someone as big as I possibly can...

A quote comes to mind:

"I'm looking for love.  Real love.  Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

- Carrie Bradshaw, 'Sex and the City'

 ...but I don't want to just give big love.

I want to receive it

because, gosh darn it,

I deserve it.

Somewhere out there is a man who will love me for me,

no matter what,

through thick and thin.

              Someone who will think I hung the moon.

        Someone who will get lost in my eyes the way I do in theirs.

                   Someone who will miss me (five minutes after they've left me).

A ridiculous love.

A BIG love.

and, well...

that's how it should be. 

over and over (in my head)

I have had two lines
of one song
stuck
in my head.

All.

Night.

Long.


"You got a gypsy soul to blame,
and you were born for leaving,
born for leaving."

...and...

"Well, it's a windy road
when you're in the lost and found."

[thanks, Zac Brown Band for making it apparently so catchy]



I just haven't been able to pin point exactly why it's those two particular lines that got stuck in my head...

...maybe there's no rhyme or reason...

...maybe I relate...

...but I don't think I have a gypsy soul to blame for anything.

Not running from things is part of the saying "yes" instead of "no" thing.



...hmm...


I'm going to simmer on these thoughts for a little bit,
and then I'll get back to you...

Until then,
I will continue
to hum
the same two lines
over
    and
       over
          and
            over.

(and I think you get the point)

;)

yes - instead of no.

I found myself browsing through emails today and stumbled upon this:

...for those of you who don't remember, this is kind of along the same lines as what my New Year's resolution was - to stop saying "no" to being happy and start saying "yes."

I think that's why I took a picture of this portion of this magazine article.


I couldn't tell you what the article was about because it was months ago,
but somehow I don't think that that is what is so important about this particular portion of my frantic, scatter-brained, and somehow methodical thought process(es).

Why? you may ask...

(well, I'll tell you)
(just give me a cotton-pickin' second)
;)



There's things going on in my life right now that I know in my heart I need to start
"Saying yes when I'm feeling no"
about.

It's all ultimately about making ourselves happy, right?

Well, I think I know some things that will make me happy.
Not only right now but also in the long run.

And I think
       just maybe
that I'm going to start
                   saying yes
             (instead of no).


[Don't worry - I'll keep you updated on how it all turns out because, like you, I'm pretty dog-on curious how this, and other things, will work out.]

:)

Mess with it... I dare you. ;)

This semester is killing me.

Well...

Chemistry.

Chemistry is killing me.

Right now, my main "drive" is coming from something beautiful.

This right here:

Know why??

Cause this is exactly where I intend to be as soon as this is over.
Literally, as soon as it's over.

I intend on finding some way to literally take my last final for the semester,
walk back to my car in the 13th Avenue deck,
pop in disk 1 of my most favorite-est CD's (from Paula),
and
drive
until
I reach
the beach.

That's my plan.
I dare anyone to mess with it.  ;)


(that's right... I do.)
(and I nod)

Cupcakes and a smile :)

Anyone who knows me well
also knows
that
I
love
cupcakes.

It began as a kind of "joke" between me and some of my girlfriends while I was in school at the University of Montevallo, and it is just one those things that has kind of stuck with me.

Well, this past Saturday, after hours upon hours of wedding gown shopping with my baby sister for her to find the most-absolutely-perfect-est dress for her to marry her most-absolutely-perfect-est fiance...


...we went to Edgar's Bakery in Hoover for some lunch.

Where I found these:

"Be sure to celebrate
the many small things...
bright days, good friends,
and anything
with sprinkles."




...silly, but oh-so-true.

I have no need for these napkins, so of course I didn't buy them
(plus, I'm sure the price for a pack of napkins at Edgar's is probably no where shy of $6+ and that is definitely not happening).

It just kind of got me thinking...


We really should celebrate the small things
because life really is worth it.
It's made up of the small things
(especially a day like today when it's gorgeous outside)
and we should take them for more than what they may be deemed worth from time to time.

Life really is like a cupcake, if you ask me.
Always topped with sprinkles.
Always something new and exciting,
something fun and colorful,
something there just for the sole purpose of putting a smile on our faces.  :)



That's exactly why my mom bought me this before we left:

(strawberry with strawberry icing from Edgar's... my favorite)

Something to brighten my day :)

I even said, while eating it on the way home,
"You guys have no idea how happy this is making me right now."
(with a huge grin on my face)



So, like the napkin said...

...always celebrate anything with sprinkles
(or sometimes without)

cause it's always going to make you happy.  :)

Spring Break - lessons learned.

I need to write.

I've been having that thought since Monday night, but I have continued to put it off for some reason.

Tonight, though, as I read Water for Elephants,
      (one of the best books I've read in a long, long time)
I realized for some strange reason that it was time.
Time to stop putting it off, and just do it.


I've had a wonderful Spring Break, even though I didn't leave the state.

I spent Monday night with one of my best friends, Haley.
We cooked dinner,
drank wine,
and destroyed dishes (on accident)...
...wanna see?

(They should clearly label dishes that aren't oven-safe is all I'm saying...)



Tuesday night, I went to see "Rango" with some truly amazing new friends,
who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with.
It was very cute, but totally not child-friendly.
Who ever decided that it should be was... well...
high (or something to that effect).


Wednesday night, I went and met my very best friend, Hannah.
(and her beautiful sister, Natalie, and even more beautiful niece, Charlotte)
We had sushi - which is, without a doubt, one of my favorite things in the world -
and went to see "Red Riding Hood"
which was also a pretty good movie.
     (Hannah's new fav, not mine, but still good in my opinion)


After that, I've just been working, but...
...I learned some things this week, and I thought I'd share.

I learned:

that glass breaks at 350 degrees

              that ovens will catch fire on self-clean

      that best friends can, in fact, play slip-n-slide in their own kitchens
         [especially when it's raining out]

that making new friends (again) is AWESOME
    [even if the movies you see always make you laugh in ways they possibly shouldn't] ;)

                        that sushi and conversations with very best friends ALWAYS
                        makes your heart smile :)

                                           that candy from the Dollar Tree tastes just as good in
                                           the movie theater as the candy they sell there
               
                               that glass breaks at 350 degrees

that life without up's and down's, without mistakes, 
without broken glass, 
without homemade slip-n-slides (unintentional or not),
without sneaking candy into the movie theater,
without sushi and heart-to-hearts,
without new friends...

...is no life at all.


I like the mess-ups.
I think I'll keep 'em.

And as for this seemingly uneventful Spring Break??
(to most people, anyway)

I think I'll keep it, too, because
at the end of the day
I've learned more this week than I have in a long, long time.

And that, in and of itself, makes me happy.

I know one thing for certain,
and I'll never forget:

Glass breaks at 350 degrees.

but life sure is intriguing.  :)

Angelita Noel Hill.

Two days ago, the unthinkable happened.

Our puppy (well, dog) that we have had for 11 years died.
Suddenly.
Without warning.

There's only one other time in my life that I have felt the pain that I feel right now
(and that was when the 3 Ezell's died).



She was fine on Wednesday and fine on Thursday all day.
Then Thursday night, she began breathing a little funny.
She was still doing it Friday afternoon, so we really began to worry.
Then she vomitted.

So, I made the executive decision to take her to the vet.
We climbed in ol' Bessie (my car) and off we went.
Before we ever got out of the parking lot, she puked again.
All over my left leg and seat.
         (but I didn't mind - my baby girl wasn't feeling well)

We were told to come back at 2 o'clock as there were no doctor's in house until then.
So, the clock ticked...
...and ticked...
...and finally it was time to go.

We got there and an hour later,
here comes the vet to bring me back...

...wait...

...where's my dog?

"Well, we took the x-rays, and we've got a heart that's enlarged."

(gulp)

"...and our EKG is showing a third degree blockage."

(double gulp)

After crying, I called my dad (still crying) and told him to come up there.
He arrived ten minutes later, where we got the explanation of what was going on - yet again.
Needless to say, the prognosis was not good, but if we could get her through the night, we might be in the clear - at least for a little while.

We convinced him to let us take her home, so he went to draw blood.
Five minutes later, he comes in to bring us...

...wait...

...again you come back without my baby girl?  What is going on??

"Well, she's not going home with y'all.  She passed out while we were taking blood, and we've got her on oxygen."

-CRAP-


We got to go back and see her after that, but she was completely out of it.

[I like to think that she knew we were there, even though the doctor says she probably didn't.  Our baby girl always knew when we were with her.]


My heart broke completely in two as, hours later, we kissed her goodbye and her breathing changed.
Somehow, I knew it was the end.

He gave her Atripene... nothing helped.

Our baby was going home to see her big sister (our Mallory), whether we liked it or not.


So, we sat with her.
as she slowly took her last breaths in this world.
and then we loved on her until we absolutely knew she was gone.




I never thought it would hurt THIS much.
I knew it would hurt, don't get me wrong...
...but like this??


I still hear her bark from time to time.
I still hear her collar clink together as she runs down the hall,
or flaps her cute little ears.
I can still hear her whine as she begs for her daddy to pick her up so she can share his chair with him.
I still feel her cold nose on me early in the morning because it's time to get up (or maybe because she needs to go out).
I still smell that familiar smell, that "Annie smell" that I loved so much.


She was the best dog anyone could ever have asked for.
She was my dad's best friend, without a doubt
     [and she loved that man with her whole heart].
Some people think it's a little silly, but we just call it LOVE.

Here's a picture I took this past week of her that's still on my phone:
- She always found a comfy place to lay. -

I will never forget my precious baby.
Ever.
She was the best Christmas present I ever got.  :)
and I will love her to the moon and back.
Forever.

Rest in Peace, Angelita Noel Hill. 
Our sweet angel.