quote

"I felt a nice, fresh breeze a moment ago. Where has it gone to?"
- Tennessee Williams, in 'The Glass Menagerie'

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Step 1: Realizing Your Motivation

When I was a freshman in college, my every waking hour was filled with planning. 

Not planning my next meal.
Not planning my study sessions.
Not planning my days.

My every waking hour was filled with planning for the next big party.



Now... if you know me now (and the person I am and have become), it is at this point that I want you to ask yourself a question:

...is this who I am today?  Can you even imagine me doing those things now?

If, for some reason, your answer is yes, I'd like to politely ask you to reevaluate your outlook on life and quit living in the past.

If your answer is no, you are in the same boat with me.
Because that's not me anymore.
I would never dream of doing those things now.

I look back on my life for those two years, and I cannot believe that that was the person that I was.  Sometimes, I even refuse to believe it.  Now, don't get me wrong - I loved my life there.  I wouldn't change a thing about it because...

I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't made those mistakes.

...but am I embarrassed by the things I did?  Yes.
Would I change them?  No.

Now I have a story to tell, a way to connect with people and help them understand that life can be better.

My journey started with rebelling... and then I moved home after two years.

That didn't stop me, though.  I pushed forward and continued with my outward rebellions.

The one thing that began my motivation to change?  My baby sister.

I was being a horrible role model. 
...that right there stopped me in my tracks.

My little sister is my world.  She is one of the things in life that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I would give up my own life for... and this is how I was showing her to live?  What in the world was I thinking??

I wasn't.

So, that was step one for me:
realizing my motivation.

Things didn't begin to automatically change, but I realized that letting her down was what made me the most unhappy in the world.  Knowing that my baby sister was disappointed was too much... I could no longer rationalize my actions, so I began to change.

It was a long, long road from there... so don't think this change happens fast.
We're only on step one, remember?

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