"I felt a nice, fresh breeze a moment ago. Where has it gone to?"
- Tennessee Williams, in 'The Glass Menagerie'

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

She's not in love with you at all.

On my lunch break today, I was texting with Paula about taking the girls to Breakfast with Santa.

She throws this random bit into our conversation-

PAULA:  "Oh and by the way, I overheard Ruth talking to Bells this morning..."
ME:  "Oh goodness... What was she saying?"
PAULA:  "She actually told her, 'when you see Lindi you can just let her know I'll be hogging her when we come to your room this afternoon...' it was the cutest thing ever"
ME:  "Awwe... I literally just giggled out loud like a small child. :)"
PAULA:  "She's not in love with you at all"

Sometimes, hearing how much a seven-year-old loves you is just what you need,
at precisely the right moment.
(and I grin)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Much to my own dismay...

Much to my own dismay, I have recently discovered that life certainly does not work out in precisely the manner that we think it will.

People change.
Life goes on.

Somewhere in the middle of people changing and life moving forward, I have forgotten to stop and, well, smell the roses.

I have forgotten about doing the things that make me the happiest,
the things that I need done the most in my life.

(deep sigh)

...and I think to myself, 'why must I always be worried about being such a people-pleaser?'


I don't have an answer, other than...

That's just who I am.

Optimism and pessimism are running such a close race for me right now.
And I detest that.

A good friend of mine is what she refers to as so "zen," and I am trying my hardest to be that way with my own life, but yet again...

Much to my own dismay,
it doesn't seem to be happening the way that I want it to work out.

I turn 24 in a little over a month, and I have accomplished next to nothing of what I thought I would have by now:

I have lived 24 years (nearly) of my life, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

I'm not finished with school (yet, but it's coming to an end soon - thank goodness!).
I'm not dating anyone, so heavens knows that means I'm no where near marriage or a family.
I'm not teaching in a classroom yet or working in a library as I'd hoped.
I don't own my own home or rent my own apartment.

Life is not at all what I thought it would be.


(and again I sigh, quizzically)

...if life was exactly how I expected it to be, would it be nearly as fun??

Saturday, November 27, 2010

An exact replica.

Today is my great-grandfather's 93rd birthday.

That's a lot of life to live.

The best part about it is that...
he's healthier than I am.

The world would be multitudes greater if there were more people in this world like him.

He's a mechanic and still does all of his own home repairs
(at his ripe old age).

He drives himself to all of his doctor's appointments.

He's more self-sufficient than anyone I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Something cool about him??

My own father is basically the exact replica of this tiny, wrinklie-faced little man...
and a girl couldn't be more thankful at this time of year for someone so wonderful.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Couldn't we all be so happy?

As I sit here on Thanksgiving day wrapping Christmas presents and helping my mother cook, it really is impossible not to think about the things that I am thankful for.

I will say it again: my life has changed so much in the past year.

(which has been a good thing in most ways)

Because of everything that has changed, I have become more aware of the little things that I am actually thankful for:

-the sunlight coming my through window early in the morning.
-the laughter of a bubbly seven-year-old as she entertains herself with a balloon for nearly an hour.
-the smile put on my face by walking into work.
-the warm embrace of my family when I return home from Florida.
-the love felt when our tiny little 10 pound dachshund climbs up in my lap and curls up as I write this blog.

All of those things are small, but they mean so much more.
(and there's multitudes more of things that I am thankful for, but these are the things that have just recently popped into my mind)

Of course, then there's the typical things that I am thankful for:

-other loved ones
-the love of our Savior

Somehow, the small things seem so much more.

Our families will always be there.
Our friends will always be there.
Our Savior will always be there.

Those little things, though?

They aren't always there.
They come and go as our lives change.

Last night when talking and catching up with someone special to me, John Lennon's quote, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans," kept coming up in our discussion.

That's what initially got me thinking about the little things to be thankful for.

The small things dissipate as life changes.
We make other plans as life moves on.

I think sometimes,
(and I nod to myself)
we tend to under appreciate these little things when we should be grasping to them with all we've got.

Perhaps we should all take a cue from the seven-year-old and
enjoy the thrills of life as if we're bouncing a balloon off of our fists for hours at a time.

After all, she seems beyond content and happy.
Couldn't we all be so happy with something so small?
(and a sly little grin creeps upon my face)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I think I'll stay this way.

This is my first blog.
 Not ever.  Just on this site...

and I'm pretty excited about it.

I have had a lot of new, fresh beginnings in my life in the last six months, and this is going to be my next adventure.

What all have I done in the last six months, you ask?
Well, let's see...

- I quit my job.
- I packed up my entire life and moved to Florida.
- I started a new job.
- I made friends (oh, did I forget to mention that when I moved to Florida I knew no one except my aunt and uncle and their kids?  Yeah... not the most exciting thing in the world).
- I started going to a new church.
- I lost three of the most amazing people I have ever known in my 23 years.

All of that may not seem like a whole lot to some people, but to me...

it was an eternity of impossibilities and uncertainties.
I knew no one, and I feared I would never make any real friends.
I made new friends, and I lost old (lifelong) ones.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but...


I have a plan for my life for the first time in a long time.
I don't constantly feel a nagging question in my mind of if I'm ever truly going to be who I was meant to be because I know the answer now.

Am I perfect, you ask?
By no means what-so-ever.

But I like the perfectly imperfect person that I am...

I think I'll stay this way.
(as I sigh, satisfactorily)