quote

"I felt a nice, fresh breeze a moment ago. Where has it gone to?"
- Tennessee Williams, in 'The Glass Menagerie'

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Much to my own dismay...

Much to my own dismay, I have recently discovered that life certainly does not work out in precisely the manner that we think it will.

People change.
Life goes on.

Somewhere in the middle of people changing and life moving forward, I have forgotten to stop and, well, smell the roses.

I have forgotten about doing the things that make me the happiest,
the things that I need done the most in my life.

(deep sigh)

...and I think to myself, 'why must I always be worried about being such a people-pleaser?'

...
...
...

I don't have an answer, other than...

That's just who I am.

Optimism and pessimism are running such a close race for me right now.
And I detest that.

A good friend of mine is what she refers to as so "zen," and I am trying my hardest to be that way with my own life, but yet again...

Much to my own dismay,
it doesn't seem to be happening the way that I want it to work out.

I turn 24 in a little over a month, and I have accomplished next to nothing of what I thought I would have by now:

I have lived 24 years (nearly) of my life, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

I'm not finished with school (yet, but it's coming to an end soon - thank goodness!).
I'm not dating anyone, so heavens knows that means I'm no where near marriage or a family.
I'm not teaching in a classroom yet or working in a library as I'd hoped.
I don't own my own home or rent my own apartment.

Life is not at all what I thought it would be.

...but...

(and again I sigh, quizzically)

...if life was exactly how I expected it to be, would it be nearly as fun??

5 comments:

  1. awww louwho! Im right there with you! I had a break down in the middle of TJ MAXX the other day on the phone with my mom because at our age it does seem that everything is not quite "falling" into place like everyone else. I blame that mostly on society and our southern culture. Do we really want our story to be just like everyone else's?? Well, I Think NOT! We are going to be just fine and everything is going to come together in God's timing for our life and we will always wonder why we ever questioned it! I love you!

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  2. The only thing you have to worry about is finding your happiness and it will come to you I know it.

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  3. Sometimes good things in life are like seeds that fall on fertile ground during a storm - maybe they aren't noticed until they sprout up and the debris is cleared away, but by then they've taken root and will soon bear fruit. Some things take time, it's just hardest to be patient for the ones we can visualize in our minds in an instant.

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  4. You know what's funny?

    I was writing about being "zen" when you were writing about me being "zen" and because I was writing about being "zen" I completely missed that you'd written this... I made it through my own blog, hit publish, and collapsed into sleep.

    You know what else is funny?

    Someone else called me "zen" this weekend...

    You know what else is funny?

    I really don't feel very "zen."

    But
    I just now saw yours.

    I wonder if the younger "notyetzen" version has read my 28 year old version's ramblings?

    Life has yet to be anything I thought it would be and I generally believe I've screwed something up but the one thing...the one thing I've picked up along the way is that life is what I make of it and nothing or no one else.

    It's up to me to see the sunshine for the storm clouds... the cookies with my spilled milk...

    To remember prayers are answered (and probably even wishes) - just not always in ways I can immediately recognize or envision.

    (I will stop publically sharing now)

    ;)

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  5. ...where might one locate your 28 year old version's ramblings about being "zen"?? or are you referring to your rambling about "zen" that you posted the other day??

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