"I felt a nice, fresh breeze a moment ago. Where has it gone to?"
- Tennessee Williams, in 'The Glass Menagerie'

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dreaming of... chemistry.

This is the fifth
(count that - fifth)
time I have opened this window this week,
and I'm just now writing.

Can you say sad??

I have had so much rolling around in my head,
and today iced the cake.

I have done so much studying for Chemistry this week that I haven't even been able to stop and take some time for myself.

I haven't been able to write.
I haven't been able to get to sleep when I've wanted.
I haven't been able to see any of my friends really.
I haven't even been able to spend time with my family (who I live with!).

Tomorrow is test day,
and I will never have been happier than when I walk up to that big, black Chem lab bench that is my teacher's classroom desk and hand in that test.

I have studied until I'm blue in the face.
I have attended a study session just about every day this week.
If I'm not prepared, then I don't know what prepared is.

(...so do me a favor and wish me luck.)

Perhaps being prepared won't feel entirely overrated... but more like a proverbial "bridge" to my own personal bouts of accomplishments for the week. 

(I did, after all, make an A on my math test today - even with all the Chemistry studying.)  :)

...and with that, I'm going to bed.
(probably dreaming of... well... Chemistry.)

Friday, February 18, 2011

(A Conversation) in the Life of Peppy

My mom braved the craziness that is my grandfather today,
and sat with him while my grandmother did some things.

She sent me the following texts,
so I thought I would share with everyone what a conversation with Pep is like.

(Keep in mind that while none of this makes sense...
it was all said in the exact same conversation.
Sometimes even in the exact same breath or sentence.)

(no, really)

@ 12:16 p.m.:
"You know, there was a time I remember
- for reasons unknown -
then I woke up, and it was all over. 
No questions asked!...
You know, my dad was very strict at meal time.

@ 12:18 p.m.:
That's why I always sit up straight at the table,
and never feed an animal at the table! 
And don't get in trouble."

@ 12:35 p.m.
"You know, to me,
it's intriguing when you come up behind 'em
and know you've been there before...
do you see that black cloud? 
I've seen one, one time before..."

(kind of funny, right?)  :)

The thing is...
you think you get it.
You think you understand the magnitude of it.
You think that by reading about it, you'll be prepared.

...but the truth is
- you're not. -
...and there's no way you ever will be.

We've been dealing with this for five years now,
and it still hits me like a ton of bricks...

I know it never gets easier,
I know it only gets worse from here,
and I know I can never prepare myself for what is to come.

At the same time, though,
I like not knowing
because, if I knew,
I would spend every day wondering when the most horrible day would come.

By not knowing or being able to prepare,
guess what I get to do??

I get to laugh
and enjoy
my grandfather
and the time
that I get
to spend
with him.

...and that?

That beats the heck out of knowing.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Camp in a Nutshell.

So... who wants to see what other awesomeness I got into this past weekend?
(other than realizing things about my life)

Here you go:

When I arrived at camp, we immediately unloaded the car.  On my first trip in, I happened to look down and see this.  I thought it was so cool that the water froze in the ripples like that.
(and I somehow knew that that was an indicator that I was about to have an awesome weekend)

Mom and I created this tree on the wall of our classroom.  The plan was to hang the kids' cocoons on the leaves that appear to be falling.  Well... the next day when we came in, the entire tree was on the ground.  Our plan was an EPIC FAIL because of the cold weather.
(It looked cute for a day, though!)  :)

Once my sister and her fiance` got to camp, we rode to the top of the mountain
(yes, we avoided the hiking because... well... we were too cold and too lazy.)  ;)
where we got to see this amazing view.  Imagine this beauty ten fold in the summer.  It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
             (no, seriously)

My co-leader for the weekend found the cutest skit ever for our kids to do for Stunt Night on Saturday night.
(The caterpillar was the "smartest caterpillar in the world."  It could count, and it could walk over human bridges - too bad it wasn't potty trained.)  ;)

Late Saturday night, we went to a camp fire with the youth group and got to know some of them better.  It was quite an interesting trip.
(especially when we realized that the starter log was on the BOTTOM of the wood pile... hmm...)

...and lastly...

...my favorite kicks?
They walked a ton of steps all over my favorite place in the world.

Even though my back was hurting and my feet were killing me,
my feet (and myself) were the happiest they've been since this past summer when I was at camp.

My favorite kicks finally got introduced to my favorite place to be, and I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it just as much as I did. 

They finally got a chance to live the fabulous-ness of camp. :)
(and I'm fairly certain they're looking forward to all the living they'll get to do there this summer, too!)

(yes, yes, they are.)


Monday, February 14, 2011

Turns out...

Turns out sometimes you don't need the promise of seeing someone when you get home to help you have a good time.

Turns out all you need is a church family that is at the same place as you, for the same reasons as you - because they love where they are.

Turns out all you need is to spend some time with an old (and lifelong) friend, to share in some laughter (and tears) and to begin rebuilding that relationship...
...even if it does feel like you're picking up where you left off - which makes it even better.

Turns out all you need is to get to know some new people, people that are just as interested in making their lives better as you are with your own.  People that love life as much as you do, people that are willing to listen no matter what.

Turns out... life is just perfect and happy when you just let it happen.
(and I nod)

That's all I've got for right now...


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Good weekend - here I come!

If you didn't know this already,
I've been pretty darn happy here lately.

Tomorrow I get to go to one of my favorite places:
Camp Sumatanga in Oneonta, Alabama.

I'm going to be leading the children's sessions for the weekend
(with help from one of my oldest friends)
and I absolutely cannot wait to get up there tomorrow.

It's going to be the beginning to a wonderful weekend,
filled with wonderful things:

                      being at Camp
                                                                    spending time with family
                                                                        and friends

                                          no school
                                          [cause it's the weekend]

         being outdoors
         - even if it is freezing -

and once I get home on Sunday,
I will get to see one other person that aids in my current state of -happiness-.

Looks like it's going to be a -good- weekend.  ;) 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Alzheimer's rears it's ugly head.

You know,
I get frustrated at myself for forgetting things.


but then I get around my grandfather (my Peppy), and I feel so fortunate to be able to remember even the smallest of details.

You see, he has Alzheimer's, and it gets worse every day.

Although it has made me appreciate my time with him that much more, it has also made me dread the time that I am with him because I know a couple of things about each visit before I even get there:

                    He will tell me the same story more than once.
                                       He will  forget my name AT LEAST once while I'm with him.

       He will make up stories.
                              He will talk about people being "keepers"
                              and tell me multiple times how cute his dog is.

                                            He will share he woes and upsets with me.

                       He will curse directly at me (more than once).

                 He will forget who my parents are.

                                                                      He will spill food.

                             He will make up some crazy story about something random.

                                                                  He will get angry about something.

There's also one more thing that I know will happen every single time, though:

He will tell me that he loves me (generally more than once).

It just seems unfair that he has to forget me - and all of my other family members,
that he has to forget all the memories he's made over the years.


If it wasn't for this situation, would I appreciate the times that he does remember my name and that he does tell me that he loves me?

Something tells me I wouldn't.
(not the way that I do now, anyway)

Friday, February 4, 2011

"The Most Genius Love Advice Ever."

Ah, the joys of being a child...

I am sitting at work, reading my Glamour magazine
(that I get for free... shh!  Don't tell anyone 'cause I don't know how it's happening, but...
I LIKE IT.)  :)
and there's an article in here called "The Most Genius Love Advice Ever."

I read just about every article, so of course I read this one.

They feature questions and answers by a few knowledgeable 99-year-olds and equally wise 9-year-olds.
       [yes, 9-year-olds... they're chalked full of pure wisdom - didn't you know that?]
                       [no, seriously]

To be honest, it was kind of a boring article with typical answers - even from the youngens - when all of a sudden...
...I finally got the childish yet insightful answer that made me laugh.
(which was my motive in reading the article in the first place)

How do you know it's love?
"I figured this out from my experience: It's love if he blushes when you talk to him, and when you look at him, he won't make eye contact."
- Rachel Katz, 9

Now that's the answer I was looking for!!

So full of youthful delight (and truth, sometimes).

It made me think of my Ruthie - even though her answer would probably have resembled that of one of the 99-year-olds rather than that of the 9-year-old (she's just smart and seemingly worldly like that).

There's just so much delight in being young and thinking that you have it all figured out,
including love.

It also got me thinking a little bit...
...we kind of make love a little harder than it really has to be sometimes.

                                                We over-analyze things

              We worry too much about what's going to happen in the future.

Instead of just letting love happen,
sometimes we try to stop it from happening because, well,
sometimes we're too afraid of being hurt.


...shouldn't we just let it happen?

Just blush when they talk to us?
And avoid eye contact?
(personally, I think we should throw in some of the classic banter and picking on each other, too)
( - weren't you told that that is a clear sign of a crush? - )

That clearly means we love them, after all, right?  ;)

That, my friends, is what you call the true genius (love advice) of a 9-year-old.