One of the toughest things, I've found, is finding out how to be happy... with yourself.
Without the help of anyone else.
Through everything that I've been through, that has been (hands down) the toughest thing for me,
and when I really got to thinking about this, only one quote came to mind:
"...the most exciting, challenging, & significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous."
It's from an episode of 'Sex & the City,' one of my all-time-favorite shows, and to me?
That right there is what it's all about.
But the trick is... truly finding the you that you love first.
No one else can love you if you don't know how to love yourself.
I told someone very dear to me the other night this:
"I have something I want you to do for me... Whenever you get down on yourself or sad or anything other than feeling happy, I want you to stop and try thinking about yourself through MY eyes...
(...hmm...)
I think you're wonderful and perfect just the way you are, so if you can allow yourself to view YOU the way that I view you... well... maybe then you'll be able to assimilate situations where you will feel happy and good about yourself all the time."
This was one of the hardest things for me... it was probably my hardest step. I couldn't be happy with myself. How could I love myself when I'd screwed up so much?
...but then I thought about it...
...everyone deserves another chance, right?
My mistakes were my own, so if I just owned up to them, I could start moving past them.
And if I could move past those mistakes...
and become the person I'm supposed to become...
...why couldn't I be happy then? huh?
...I had no reason why I couldn't be.
So, I shoved and I shoved... and those mistakes? To me, they're a part of this huge long novel that I read forever ago, and like when reading a book, I have left those characters in that book. I finished those bad chapters and started a new novel.
A happy novel.
(yes, I'm a huge book nerd and am now using book analogies to get my point across... get over it! ha) :)
I, my friends, am happy with myself. I love who I am more than I ever thought I would be able to, and you know what? Now, the people that should mean the most to me, do. The people that should love me, do.
and as far as finding someone to love the me that I love?
God's got that one in check for me right now, too. ;)
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