What if's...

Sometimes I think that I literally think too much.

I go through every possible scenario of every possible situation before it is necessary.
...and sometimes wind up getting myself so worked up that I can't stop thinking about it.

I really get worried about things that haven't even happened yet (and probably won't!).

It's ridiculous.

I know living in the present is what I need to be doing, but I think about things that have happened in the past, people I have met...

...was he "the one" and I just missed out?  Is it too late?
...should I have said something different to that person?  Would he/she still not like being around me?
...what if I would've done just this one thing differently?  Would I be finished with school yet?
...what if we'd never broken up?  Would I be happy or miserable by now?
...what if I'd told her I loved her the last time I talked to her?  Would she have known for positive when she died?

I literally "what if" myself to death...
...and let me just tell you...
...it gets exhausting.

The problem is that I have absolutely no idea how to turn off the "what if" button in my brain.



I'm currently sitting here staring at the computer, at Facebook, just thinking...
...what if I get back home and I feel like I've failed all over again??

...then what??

I know, I know...
I pick myself up, dust myself off, and move forward.
Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it can be or is that easy...

(sigh)

I think for now the only thing I can do is get into pajamas and go to bed.

Perhaps tomorrow someone will say or do something to give me an answer...
...or perhaps a clever little seven-year-old will share something with me that she finds hardly any significance in that will just make things click (she tends to do that sometimes)...

...or maybe...
...just maybe...

...the "what if's" will gradually go away and my life will be happy.

(That is, after all, what I have learned recently - that life is happy.  Life is just as fabulous as we actually want it to be.  We just have to recognize the good parts and quit dwelling on the bad. -- someone needs to look in the mirror when she says that, right??)  ;)